Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
