I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
