I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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