I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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