Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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