This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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