clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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