i barfeds in our rink
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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