when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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