If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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