I hate your face
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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