hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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