my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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