just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
