ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some milfs here doing some blow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day