dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with