i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.