she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
