Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
