Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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