apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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