chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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