Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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