What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
