I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
