As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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