well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
