I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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