did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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