he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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