hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
