Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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