Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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