dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
