Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
