I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
