Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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