I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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