At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My ass is underappreciated
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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