I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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