i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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