She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
