We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm too high and old for this...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
