We got so high we made milksteak
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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