you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im six kinds of drunk right now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
