if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
