mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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