They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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