im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
