when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
