you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
