The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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