found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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