Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
