Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
