I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Welp...herpes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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