There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
