Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
