Plan B is the new Plan A
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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