I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
