I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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