This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
