did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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