I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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