giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
