he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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